Fake Larry King and "The Revolution Will not be Televised" at Kirby's.

It was open Mic night at Kirby's this Tuesday. There were about 35 people in the club this night. Although it was a smaller than usual crowd, it was an enthusiastic crowd. By 10:30 there were just two acts listed to play and I was one of them (performance Art).

 Originally I had pressed Larry King to interview me for my performance art event, but he bailed on me. I got Byron Love to fill in for me. I did have a picture of Larry King. -SJ Otto

The Act:

"How can we have open mic night without commercials. Commercials are everywhere we look, computers TV all over bill boards, so why should we have open mic night without commercials?"

(Fake) Larry King[1]: is your book, I Am Pol Pot, better than fish oil?

Me: Much better, Much better. My book is typed up by clams who where grown off of strings in a bay in New Zealand. They don't touch the ocean bottom. The water doesn't have heavy metals, such as zinc, or pollution, industrial slug. You should care what you put in your head.

It also doesn't have all the parts they use in fish oil, the scales, head and bones. You realize they send the Filets to restaurants. You don't get filet grade oil in fish oil pills.

Fake Larry King: How do the clams type, they don't have hands?

Me: They have a foot. They can type with their feet and they are good at it.

Fake Larry King: That's amazing. How does your book make you feel in comparison with fish oil?

Me: With fish oil, your joints don't ache. With my book, your head won't ache. It almost works like a narcotic, except it is not addictive.

I'll tell you what. This books is so easy to swallow, I will swallow it without water.

Fake Larry King: Without water?!

Me: yes. (Stick book in mouth).

Me: (after a minute of trying to swallow the book) I think it is the little fish oil pill I'm supposed to swallow.

Next was The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

By Gil Scott-Heron (revised by SJ Otto)

You will not be able to stay home, brother
You will not be able to plug in your Ipad and cop out
You will not be able to lose yourself shooting a hit a' dope
And skip out for beer during commercials
Because the revolution will not be televised

The revolution will not be televised
The revolution will not be brought to you by dancing with the stars
In 6 episodes with lots'a commercial interruptions
The revolution will not show you pictures of Obama
Blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John Mccain
Scott Walker and Joe Biden to eat hog maws
Confiscated from a Harlem sanctuary
The revolution will not be televised

The revolution will not be brought to you by the
Koch Arena and will not star Ted Nugent
And Kid Rock or Bullwinkle and Sponge Bob
The revolution will not give your mouth sex appeal
The revolution will not get rid of pimples

The Revolution will not make the girls wanna fuck you
The revolution will not make you look 12 pounds thinner
Because the revolution will not be televised, Brother

There will be no pictures of you and  Royals manager Ned Yost
Pushing that shopping cart down the block on the dead run
Or trying to slide that color TV into a stolen ambulance
NBC will not be able predict the winner at 8:32
Or report from 29 districts
The revolution will not be televised

There will be no pictures of cops shooting down
Black kids on the instant replay

There will be no pictures of cops shooting down
Black kids on the instant replay

There will be no pictures of  Cornel West
Being run out of Harlem on a rail with a brand new process
There will be no slow motion or still life of Jesse Jackson
Strolling through Watts in a red, black and green Kwame Nkrumah
T-shirt that he has been saving
For just the proper occasion

The Voice, American Idol and The Bachelor
Will no longer be so damned relevant
And women will not care if Dick finally gets down with Jane
On search for tomorrow because black and white people
Will be in the street looking for a brighter day
The revolution will not be televised

There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock news
Or Michelle Obama blowing her nose
The theme song will not be written by Pharrell Williams
Francis Scott Key, nor sung by Hank Williams Jr., Beyoncé,
Taylor Swift, Englebert What'is'dink or Aerosmith
The revolution will not be televised

The revolution will not be right back after a message
About a white tornado, white lightning, or white people
You will not have to worry about a Shark Vacuum sweeper in your bedroom
Flow the insurance girl or the Ty-D-Bowl man
The revolution will not go better with Coke
The revolution will not fight the germs that may cause bad breath
The revolution WILL put you in the driver's seat

The revolution will not be televised, will not be televised
Will not be televised, will not be televised
The revolution will be no re-run brothers
The revolution will be live

It’s been a black black black X-mass

By SJ Otto

It’s been a black black black X-mass.
I’ll be home for Christmas, even if in a box.
Look for gifts on my coffin lid,

It’s been a black black black X-mass.
All I want for X-mass is my two front wrists,
So I can use my razor blades,

It’s been a black black black X-mass.
The moon is full, the air is still,
All of a sudden I feel a chill,
Victor is grinning, flesh rotting away,
Skeletons dances, I curse this day,
And it’s just a jolly holiday.

It’s been a black black black X-mass.
I saw Mommy kissing Santa Clause,
Underneath the Mistle-toe.
Daddy’s gone to war. The mailman looks like Santa

It’s been a black black black X-mass.
Creditors shaking corpses upside down,
To check for change someone might have left behind.

It’s been a black black black X-mass.
All though it’s been said many times, many ways
Fuck off, die and Merry Christmas!

Getting ready to go on stage at Kirby's.

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[1] Since Larry King decided not to come to this event, I had the "Fake Larry King" played by Byron J. Love.