Counter-culture Journals (文革)

Counter-culture Journals (文革)

Monday, February 05, 2007

How to sell a book

I've been watching TV and I now know how to get the sales results I want.

Approach no. 1
"You Can't Afford NOT to by this book."
"This is the message that other book dealers don't want you to hear. Our retail prices $18.99 or our direct from the publisher prices $12.99 save you hundreds over other book dealers. Don't throw your money away buying this book later when the price goes up to $100. Get yours cheap NOW.

2. "Don't put this off! Run to your computer right now. Don't wait. Type in the name as fast as you can. Hurry now!!!!!!!"
3. "I got to have it."

"That's right! Everyone will be reading this literature this summer. Don't be the last to get this book. Don't be caught reading something old and outdated, such as Moby Dick or Dracula when you can be reading the latest thing
Memoirs of a Drugged-Up, Sex-Crazed Yippi.
Don't get stuck with last years book. Everyone will be reading Memoirs this summer."

3. Endorsements by dead people. The far right does this all the time, claiming Martin Luther King would march with the pro-life forces or that he would back a lot of our present wars because he would realize the injustice we are fighting. Some even claim Karl Marx would embrace capitalism if he were around today and saw how well it's turned out.
Of course they are dead and can't speak for themselves. That's the beauty of finding a dead spokesperson. You can put your words in their mouth and they can't stop you.

4. Last, but not least, the info-mercial. Who is so stupid they would intentionally watch a whole hour of nothing but testimonials from people telling you how this product changed their live for the better?

The answers easy – there's nothing else on. I haven't made mine yet, nor have I raised the money to put it on, but when I do, I'll be on TV late at night when you can't sleep and you're dying to watch TV and TADAAAA – there's nothing else on.
Got cable – not on Sunday. Once Adult Swim goes of the air, I got every station except the infomercials selling knives and mops. So it's me or kitchen utensils.
Even Gilligan's Island can't help you now.

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