Counter-culture Journals (文革)

Counter-culture Journals (文革)

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

New year resolutions

personal review of 2006:
It’s almost New Years and it’s time for the old year review. So let’s see how my year went.
I spent 48 weeks taking interferon and anti-viral agents to get rid of Hep C. It worked at first. It was a miserable 48 weeks. The stuff made me sick most of the time.
I finished the treatment in March. Then I went out and drank some beers, since I couldn’t while taking the treatment. One of the side affect of my treatment can be depression. I didn’t feel depressed until the last two months. Problem was, it didn’t stop after the treatment it got worse.
I knew I wasn’t supposed to drink any more so I suddenly remembered the movie “Leaving Los Vegas.” A serious alcoholic who has just lost his job decides that rather go to treatment, he would go to Los Vegas and drink himself to death. In other words, why not just finish the job you started. It’s a lot easier that trying to quit.
Some recovered Alcoholics told me they tried that and it’s much harder than it looks in that movie, so I thought up an easier quicker method of “finishing what I started.”
Then I made the mistake of talking to a psychologist.
I got a guilt trip laid on me:
“How would your poor mother feel?” (My family has already lost one son and it was not his intentions),
“What about your friends and family?” (I do have a few friends in Wichita).
And they always pull the trump card……
“And what about your son? How would he feel knowing you did that on purpose?”I got almost the same lecture from the psychiatrist who put me on anti-depressants.

OKAY!!! Life is an overwhelming responsibility.

So here are my New Years resolutions, which I rarely make.

1. Don’t kill myself.
2. Don’t drink…. which had to be amended to don’t drink very much, since I wrote that while I was drinking.
3. Learn to have some fun that doesn’t involve getting stoned. That’s a tough one.
4. I will try not to go crazy if I don’t get a real teaching job by the end of the year (even tougher).
5. I will try not to obsess myself with fantasies of punching out or killing such idiots as Tom Cruze for saying stupid uninformed things about depressed people and the same goes with those, such as Bill Maher, for saying that people with ADD are just dumb and society is afraid to come out and say it. I have a bachelor’s degree and a teaching certificate. Any one who thinks my destiny in life is shoveling gravel on driveways should be forced to do it for a few weeks and see how they like it. I’ve done every shit job known to man, including janitor work and cleaning toilets and I have no sympathy for intellectual snobs who feel such work is beneath them. No wonder I liked the Chinese Cultural Revolution. They made intellectual snobs go out and do manual labor. I wish they would do that to some of the jack asses in this country, such as Tom Cruze and Donald Trump.
6. I also have no sympathy for those who think suicidal people are wimps. Remember that the word “suicide” goes well with the world “bomber.” Oops!! I just broke the last two resolutions. I guess you can’t win them all.
It does shorten my list.

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