Now that x-mas is on the way it's time to think of the kids. Yes they deserve good toys to teach them about living in today's world. Here are some of my favorite toy songs:
"Uncle Bernie's Farm"
Mothers (Frank Zappa)
I'm dreaming . . . (Oh no-o-o!)
There's a bomb to blow yo mommy up
A bomb for your daddy too (ouch.)
A baby doll that burps & pees
A case of airplane glueA hungry plastic trollTo scarf yo buddy's arm
A box of ugly plastic things marked:Uncle Bernie's Farm!
There's a little plastic congress
There's a nation you can buy (I'll take two.)
There's a doll that looks like mommyShe'll do anything but cry (I seen her.)
There's a doll that looks like daddyHe's a funny little manPush a button & ask for money
There's a dollar in his hand (check his wallet.)
We gotta send Santa Claus back to the Rescue Mission
Christmas don't make it no moreDon't you know that murder & destructionScream the toys in every store (think this'll sell in New York?)
There's a man who runs the country
There's a man who tried to think
And they're all made out of plastic
When they melt they start to stink
There's a book with smiling children
Nearly dead with Christmas joys!
And smiling in his officeI
s the creep who makes the toys . . .
FZ: We got this car: when it hits the wall you see the guy dying . . . got the little plastic puddles of blood . . . by the car
I'M DREAMING . . .
Ray: He has intestines . . . he has plastic intestines you canstuff back into his stomach . . .
FZ: There's this other thing, I've got bombs. I've got rockets, I've got a . . . I've got a stilson wrench & plastic brass knuckles . . .
Ray: And it comes with a tape recorder with sound effects . . .
FZ: We got a '39 Chevy . . .
Got a deadly toy
To brainwash your boy
An egocentric muscle thug
Kicks butt on screen like a brat outa hell
Bullshitter in the Indochina shop
Pull the string in his back, we win the war
That we never should have started at all
A cabbage patch terrorist to call our own
Who rewrites history with a machine gun
Don't think about it-KILL IT
That's what we teach your child
RAMBOZO the Clown
To draft age kids
It sure looks like fun-
"Kill 'em all
And let God sort 'em out."
Like video games-no mess
Just fuel for a mass lapse of common sense
You can be Don Quixote
We'll dice you with our windmill blades
Brawn over brain
Means a happy ending
G.I. Joe in the cereal bowl
Grey shrapnel-flavored chewing gum
Mass murder ain't just painless
Now we've made it cute
RAMBOZO the Clown
War is sexy
War is fun
Be a wolverine. You'll rule the hills
Just get some guns and Cheerios
Any kid can conquer Libya
Just steal a fighter plane
Look who came home in a wheelchair
V.A. Hospital, they don't care
"We're the machine
You're just a tool."
Who fell for the myth of Rambozo the Clown
Here are some ideas I think the toy companies should consider:
GI Joe Iraq action figure: comes with Iraqi people with burnable clothes. You can buy new clothes so you can burn Iraqi insurgents and their families over and over again.
Congresopoli: Just like monopoly, except you play with congress people. The object of the game is to make as much money without getting in legal trouble. If you get a Tob DeLay card you go to jail. If you get a Todd Tiahrt Card, you get an all expense paid week in the European country of your choice.
Patriot Act band aids: Children love colored band aids. These have Patriot Act on the box, and constitutional rights on the band aids. When the child throws it away, he or she gets to feel the sense of security in tossing out our constitutional rights.